Assorted Cupcakes

Mary is worried about her roommate Jane, whom she’s known for years. Jane has been through a lot lately – a break-up, the death of a parent, and her boss fired her. She’s coped with her losses by binge-eating. Mary feels especially guilty about Jane’s break-up.

“Jane, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” Mary says one day.

“Yes?” Jane reluctantly looks up from a plate full of assorted cupcakes.

“I know you’ve been through a lot. And I’m a little worried about you.”

“Why? What’s wrong with me?” Jane asks.

“Well,” Mary says tentatively. “You’ve gained a lot of weight and it’s not good for your health.”

Jane loses her temper. She says she is proud of her ‘curvy’ figure and that there is nothing unhealthy about her lifestyle. She gets up from the dining table, grabs her plate full of cupcakes, and goes to the bedroom and slams the door shut.

The next day when Jane wakes up with bits of cake stuck to her hair, she realizes she was unreasonable. Mary is right, she needs to regain control of her life.

The first thing she does is buy a plane ticket to Italy, she always wanted to live there and learn how to make yummy Italian dishes.

A year later she returns home and meets her old friend Mary.

“My god!” Mary says. “Look at you! You look phenomenal!”

Jane talks about her experience living in a small town in Italy and walking every day in the countryside, which helped her lose all that extra weight.

“I wish I was brave enough to just pack my bags and live somewhere else.” Mary says. “I’ve always wanted to explore Japan.”

“You should.” Jane says. “I’m so glad I did it. I don’t think I’ll get a chance to do something like this again.”

The reunion between old friends is going very well until Mary says, “By the way… I hope you’re not upset but I’m dating Chad. We started talking a few months after you left and…”

Chad is Jane’s ex. He dumped her the day after her father died.

“Oh.” Jane says. “Of course, I understand. I’m happy for both of you.”

Mary talks about how great Chad is, how much he has changed, and all Jane can think of is how she suspected Chad of cheating on her and how bad a liar Mary is. It’s obvious that Mary was the girl Chad was seeing while he was in a relationship with Jane.

A few weeks later Mary calls Jane and tells her that Chad dumped her!

“I can’t believe it!” Mary sobs. “I thought he was the one! He said he found someone else that he is more compatible with!”

“I’m so sorry.” Jane replies. “I’m coming right over.”

Before Jane goes over to Mary’s house – they don’t live together anymore – Jane stops by at a bakery.

“Wow!” The baker says. “What a transformation!”

Jane blushes. The baker had only seen Jane in the worst phase of her life, the ‘curvy’ phase.

Jane buys some assorted cupcakes and goes to Mary’s house.

Mary devours the cupcakes.

From then on Jane visits Mary regularly, always bringing some sweet or the other.

A year later Mary grows to astronomical proportions. Jane smiles as Mary’s weight has contributed to high blood pressure, diabetes, knee problems, breathing issues, and a whole set of assorted ailments.

A few months later Mary drops dead from a heart attack and Jane fake cries at the funeral.


Writer: Rohan Parekh

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