One Night Stand

He’s never had a romantic one-night stand before. His last thought before falling asleep with her is that he wants it to last more than a night.

The next morning he wakes up and she’s gone. On the bedside table is a note with her number on it. And there’s a glass of orange juice beside it.

How sweet, she remembered what he likes to drink first thing in the morning.

He reaches for the note but accidentally hits the glass, spilling orange juice all over her number.

 

Writer: Rohan

Body Unconscious

Arranged marriage. They’re about to make love for the first time. He doesn’t know she has small breasts (because she always stuffs her bra) and she doesn’t know he has erectile dysfunction. They undress each other. Both are surprised when they see that the other’s body isn’t what they thought it would be. They start laughing and cuddle all night.

 

Writer: Rohan

Fresh Blood

Part 1

There’s a knock on my office door followed by my secretary’s voice, “Your tea is ready. Why is the door locked?”

The door is locked because my hands are covered in my brother’s blood. I lost my temper when he confessed that he was sleeping with my wife. I may have hit him too hard.

“Hello?” My secretary asks. “Anyone there?”

“Give me a second.” I reply.

I put my fingers on my brother’s neck to feel his pulse.

 

Part 2

How do I get my brother’s dead body out of my office without anyone noticing? He weighs as much as a horse.

Mom always blamed me for his weight. She said I should’ve taken him with me to the gym. I blamed her because she wouldn’t stop feeding him.

With great effort I push my brother’s body to the corner. I open the door slightly, quickly take the tea from my secretary, and shut the door and lock it. I hope she doesn’t suspect anything, normally she comes in and sets the tea on the desk.

As I’m sipping my tea, I send a text to my wife: ‘I know about you and my brother.’

 

Part 3

My wife’s rushing to the office. I told her I want a divorce, which is bad news for her because we signed a prenup (my mom insisted on it) and I doubt she wants to go back to a middle-class lifestyle.

But what to do about my brother’s corpse… Should I throw it out the window and tell everyone he was depressed and committed suicide? Unfortunately, the corpse is too heavy. And he has visible head injuries that I caused with a paperweight, which may arouse suspicion of foul play.

I hear a loud banging on my office door.

“Can you please open the fucking door?” My wife shouts.

Hmm I think I’ll let her in after I finish my tea.

 

Part 4

“How could you do this?” My wife gasps when she sees her lover’s dead body.

“I should be asking you that.” I reply and open the window for some fresh air.

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with someone else. It just happened.”

“This also just happened.” I gesture towards my brother’s dead body.

“You’re a fucking psychopath.” She says.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

In the next several seconds I do the following: I grab my wife’s hand and open it, I put the murder weapon in her hand and shut her hand around it, then I pick her up and throw her out the window. She stops screaming when she hits the ground.

 

Final Part

My mom and I are sitting in the living room.

It’s been a month since the papers reported that my wife murdered my brother and then jumped out my office window. They were having an affair and when he ended things with her (because he felt guilty), she was so angry that she beat him to death with a paperweight and then committed suicide.

“I still can’t believe everything that happened.” I say regretfully. “You warned me about her. You said she would ruin our family. And she did. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

Mom doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. She gets up and goes to the kitchen. She comes back with two cups of tea.

“You’ve fooled everyone but me.” My mom says. “After you finish your tea, I don’t want to see you ever again.”

I take as long as possible to finish my tea. I’m going to miss my mom.

 

Writer: Rohan

Birthday

He slowly unlocks the front door of his flat. His sister has never been good at keeping secrets. He shuts his eyes and steps inside, waiting for everyone to yell, “SURPRISE!”

But after a few moments of silence, he opens his eyes. The flat is empty. He looks around and finds a sticky note on the fridge: ‘Come to the terrace’

When he gets there only his sister is present. She wishes him a HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY.

She’s seated at a small round table, with a small chocolate cake on it. He got the exact same cake for her 30th birthday two years ago.

“I wanted to throw a big party for you.” She says. “But all our friends are busy with their kids.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He replies. “This is perfect.”

Their parents have been nagging both of them to get married and settle down.

“What will society think?” Their parents keep asking.

“Screw society.” They keep replying.

They’ll be fine as long as they have each other.

 

Writer: Rohan

Size

She panics when she sees the number on the weighing scale. She vows to never eat cake again.

Her husband wraps his arms around her, “More for me to love.”

She puts her hand in between his legs, “If only I could say the same.”

 

Writer: Rohan

Decision Maker

“Don’t go.” She holds him tight.

“I have to. My brothers are out there.”

“They are warriors. You are not.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He gets out of bed. “I have to try and help them.”

The prince and princess are in the castle while the battle rages around them – The clashing of steel, flaming arrows brightening the night, a river of blood flowing into the sea.

“You’ll die out there.” The princess says. “Let’s run away. We can take a boat and go anywhere.”

“I should already be on the battlefield.” The prince puts on his oversized armor.

The princess sighs. She opens a cabinet and takes out a bottle of wine. She pours some wine into a glass.

“Here.” She hands him the glass. “This will calm your nerves.”

The prince takes a gulp. Moments later he starts swaying. The princess grabs him before he falls.

She had put a sleeping draught in the bottle of wine this morning because she had a feeling that her prince would want to do something foolish.

She carries him out of the castle and goes to the docks. She puts him in a boat and starts rowing. When he wakes up, he will once again be grateful that she is the decision maker in their relationship.

 

Writer: Rohan

Escape

What a life. Her parents are going to force her to marry some creep who is 15 years older than her. She wishes she could run away but her parents are rich and powerful, they’d easily hunt her down.

That’s not even the least of her problems. She has another creep to deal with as well. Creep #2 has been stalking her for the past two years. In fact, Creep #2 is following her right now. She’s walking home from college and he’s right behind her. She’s lost count of how many times she’s told him she’s not interested in him. He just won’t give up. She really wants to teach him a lesson.

Suddenly she stops and waves at him. He smiles and approaches her quickly. She tells him she wants to go to a hotel with him. He nods and agrees, he looks like he’s won a million dollars in the lottery.

That night they meet in a hotel room. When the lights are off she carefully places a knife in his hand and slashes her own throat. He is shocked as her blood is all over him. He faints.

He ends up getting blamed for her murder and her parents make sure he goes to jail, where he is slowly tortured to death.

There was no other way for her to escape.

 

Writer: Rohan

Explorer

An oval spacecraft lands on a secluded beach. A creature emerges. Not wanting to alarm the local species with his strange appearance, he disguises himself as a regular human being. He enjoys exploring the galaxy, learning about new cultures and getting out of his comfort zone.

He heads to the nearest town and enters a pub. There he strikes up a conversation with an inebriated human.

Alien: “If an alien landed on Earth and wanted to know whether it’s worth living here, what would you tell them?”

Drunk Human: “I’d show them the tweets of one of the most powerful people on Earth!”

The Human pulls out his iPhone and asks the Alien to read Donald Trump’s tweets.

Ten minutes later an oval spacecraft leaves Earth’s atmosphere.

 

Writer: Rohan

Bad Hair Day

“I’m not looking for anything serious.” He twirls her hair as they lie next to each other in bed.

She turns away from him. She’s just another fool that he likes to fool around with.

“Can’t we just enjoy what we have?” He asks.

How could she have fallen for him so hard? She blames his smile. She hates that she can never resist him, even when she’s mad at him.

“Come here.” She pulls him to her.

After they make love he falls asleep, even though her hair is covering half his face.

She moves ever so slowly, careful not to wake him up, and gently lifts her hair off his face.

But then she thinks, “Why should he sleep so peacefully after breaking my heart?”

She carefully ties her long lustrous hair around his neck, forming a loose knot. She grasps each end of her hair firmly and pulls as hard as she can. He wakes up in a panic.

He tries to resist, wildly moving his arms and legs, but it’s no use.

“I’ll miss you.” Are the last words he hears.

 

Writer: Rohan

Baby

“Follow that bus.” I tell the driver as soon as I jump into a taxi.

I forgot my 2-year-old niece on the bus. She’s in a stroller. My brother had to go out of town today, so he asked me to look after his daughter. I took her to the mall and then to the park and on the way home I stupidly forgot to take her off the bus with me.

The bus takes a right turn. Before my taxi can take a right, two other vehicles get into an accident in the middle of the intersection. Some idiot jumped a red light. It’s chaos. Nobody can move around the wreckage. My cab can’t move. The bus carrying my niece is slipping out of view.

I jump out of the cab and try to chase the bus but I’m not fast enough. I stop and try to catch my breath. My lungs are dying.

“You’ve used up all your stamina chasing after girls.” A voice says.

I look up. It’s Alice, my ex-girlfriend. She has my niece with her.

“Now I know why you never wanted to have any kids.” Alice smiles.

“I didn’t mean to lose her.”

“When I saw you on the bus, I debated whether or not to talk to you. It’s been so long.”

“Looks like I didn’t leave you much choice.”

Alice and I spend the day together. It’ll be safer if she watches over me while I watch over my niece. We broke up many years ago because she wanted kids and I didn’t.

At the end of the day Alice and I are watching TV in my living room. My niece is asleep in the bedroom. We had a wonderful day.

“Being with you and my niece made me realize that having a kid wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.” I tell Alice. “In fact it might be the best thing.”

“Really?” Alice asks.

“Yeah. What do you say we give this another chance? Let’s be together again.”

“While it’s really nice you want to have kids.” Alice says slowly. “I’m not sure if I can take care of you and the kid.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry. I had a wonderful day with you. But I have to go now.”

She leaves and I feel bad.

Then my niece starts crying. I rush to her bedroom. I already put her to sleep, why can’t she stay asleep? Oh no, her diaper smells. I hate changing diapers. This is the second time I’ll have to change her diaper. You know what, I’m glad Alice rejected me. I don’t want kids.

 

Writer: Rohan